A terrible attempt at Children's Writing

Ted $$$ had a job a railroad submarine
She sprayed the leather twice
And the Metal…kleen
Aye, spleen? Can’t be seen.
Doctors’ find envy and paint it green?
When voting, the spleen of Ted resembles submarine

We once all voted green
Elephant Ted blends with garden furnishings
Camouflaged, wanting a degree in economics
But is mildly Chthonic
And has a trunk up on it

But practice a u-turn with the car –
U? Are we buckled? Yes we are –
Crashes and begets his elbow scar:
How’d my arm bend that way? No way
“Impossibilitay!” Ted sprays
Gatorade on the tusk blade,
I’m ½ Maylay
Part English, part protectionism inlay.

The army wants Ted
But Ted treads gratefully, now sed,
What’s sed, I’m dead…not tired, but well bred
If only I found a rhyme for exit strategy.
Slatternly? Oh drat Phyllis Schlafly?

Are you getting ready to try Communlisp?
This clisp, Clasp, don’t budge,
Sit still, cowering over fruit berry remix you cannot resist?
I’m the second boy grip for never been kist.
Sunkissed! You can’t be that dissed!
You miss it? No, class dismissed.