Tuesday, January 16, 2007

jason, the dawg

I had to throw it into neutral
and come down off the tractor
the day Jason pulled up
with a forearm between his jowls

Usually yukking it up
we knew jokes were no match
for this, coming from the wintry mix

splash in the above-ground

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'll get right on it, geesh

ENCINO, CA--(MARKET WIRE)--Jan 5, 2007 (4:05pm) -- Harris
Exploration, Inc. greets shareholders in the royal canter.
The other counter explains that jetsets moan and bitch
about bigfooted existence. A Letter of Intent from Minerva
Crystal of Ecuador, and you are now the proud ventrilo-
quist behind proper intros in Balsapamba.

With medals skyrockets in Parador, trapped miners ring in
another year of record profits and news coverage. With
limited air supply and high demand, experts spend vacations
agreeing on the purple monster.

"More Bibles have been shipped. Our plan to compete with
remotes is near complete, mistress Filomena," Rotgut says.
This is a corp. that literally strikes from behind Zeniths
and when that PSA hits the street keep your tots out of


You're it bitches.

5 things about me:

1) I love underoos. Seriously.

2) My great- great- great- (3 greats) grand uncle is on the fifty. Eat your heart out, P. Diddy!
(This is inadmissible, since it's not really about me)

3) I suffer from a somewhat never-diagnosed version of Vaso-Vega Syncope. Less confused with the more popular What-Happens-in-Vegas-Stays-In-Vegas than the Vaso-Vegas Yn cope, I'm quoted here with my quips re the matter on gameday:

"(The University doctors) have it pegged to a vaso-vega syncope, which means I have to mangiare,'' Daley said. "Which brings us to cloning: A lot of times I don't eat on game days (sic) because of nerves, and that --along with habeas corpus-- is part of the problem.''

4) When I was a5 yrs. old I pissed on a friend of mine while we were playing at his house. I'm unsure of what it was that provoked this act of deviance. His head, admittedly, looked like a tree, but that still meant that the flowers were left to do without water. He ascended (literally, flying two-at-a-time) the stairs screaming. I zipped up, and arose to face my fate.

5) Minutia: I have two tattoos. I play trumpet. I used to be very proficient at the art of the infield (shortstop). At the age of two due to near (again) malpractice, I was close to severe dehydration and then, la muerte. I like tango. The oldest of five, I grew up in the south and spent some time in the north. I blend anywhere. I am Zartan.