please don’t tell me good news critics

Critics, handymen
soufflé peddlers in the highs
living diners and locations
where people eat ups and downs, sing
in a forgiving way on
your humble servant,
the critic, person of the people
propelled! Sing critics
your new moves
about a new movie
has found it’s so popular
it’s not so popular anymore.

Guess again, critic
A hardy job/appetite requires you
To invest your time and valuable opinions
On which an industry depends

Good critics make mediocre
Publicity, while mediocre critics
Understand movie selling most:
You can’t give it all at once
And ruin the payoff.

I’m impressed when you critics fight
I’m impressed most
When you do it without using hawks.
And stick it to one another
With mediocre eloquence
So no one gets tired and everyone understands
Catastrophic! if we all spoke with vocabularies of envy
No critics necessities

Now, my movie ticket is worn
And I’ve seen the fantastic disaster
You sent me to without even
a small warning about the acting.
Because if you don’t have disasters
We have a job to do and quickly
Leave the theaters

Escape from several mediocre movies
Treating all viewers stupid
But the critic’s job should sell movie tickets
This job blasts imagination into a spectator’s lap
And the newspapers that say good news
A tricky but worthwhile option
Using arguments as a disguise for bad wiring.

pictures aid an infant fantasy
tweet my last bowel
an aardvark’s unaided vision
who dither over the menu
Second Draft: Terrorism
All you’d find out about bad intentions
Stop its buds.

Live bird open for its own sake
Losing jobs and roars
strong in national spirit

Cliff--as warranted -- having crawled
Touched the bug deflector
Tumbling for scouts
Come on leg of mutton
Found whole!

Cuddly Wuddly

I too want atheist pets, including atheist camel!

District 9 - Mere Speculation

Resulting from a biological sensitivity to fuel, humans are transformed into alien "prawns" who then become marooned on a future earth -- future in relation to the initial human contamination "moment" -- whereupon they are interned, their encampments similar to Japanese Internment camps of WWII, as undesirables and as threats to human safety.

This commentary, that our fuel will condemn us to future servitude, doesn't seem too far off what most are saying re: peak oil/global warming/foreign dependency. If only we could see ourselves as being part of USA Internment Camp, LLC., and not citizens of the Most Free Land of Brave Warrior Poets (I added this last word).

Anyway, I thought about this as a reasonable explanation for District 9's protagonist's (Wikus') transformation, and I'm not yet ready to discard it.

Another anyway, here's a found poem I came across reading comments made by viewers who hated this movie:

makes 0.00 sense
the first half of the movie i was just sitting there like
oh wow i wonder if this guy is going to get ****ed by his prejudice attitude
oh wow he did wat a surprise
i wonder if this alien that they are just continuely glorifying will be trying to save his people
oh wow what a surprise
i wonder if the writer is trying to make a statement by reversing the subjugated human for an alien and showing us how we are inherently prejudiced again
oh wow
woowweeee i learned something about humanity i already knew
and by learned i mean had it shoved down my throat

these guys are reinventing foolish

Reproductive History

Catholics are quite safe
I know because I’m Catholic
And used to be safe. Feel safe.

Have a large family meaning feel safe.
It’s not about risks…it’s about largesse
Have the entire family feel largesse

Catholics on television
Catholic television
The Catholic moral attitude is truthful
A sincerely truth attitude
Catholics think they are better than other people because other Catholics have admitted they are wrong.

They know they belong to the truth faith
I am so truthful I’m catholic.
I am so Catholic, believe me
I would kill to believe to
The truth,
The Catholic will hire.

I will work for Catholics
Catholic works.
Catholic is this true believer truthful?
So wait believes so deeply in truth
In a garden you can’t see, I can’t see
Growing all over the body life church!

How will Jews and Muslims get along in heaven?
A Catholic believes not so well.
A religion (Catholic) renews itself through death
And faith in Catholic positions.
I have positioned myself with corrections
Like role models to millions
But Catholics in heaven.

Hairness

Hair floats
so longing
many shapes
many wearers so
much money collected
with little regard for hair!

gather your cut
hair your butt cut
party front business
is your hair making back
all your style choices

flat, like a chest
your affection opens
full of cosmetic treasure
teases and monsters
on a hair date together.

I have a hopeful date
with my hairdresser.
my shaver
my savior!

I wrote a 50 page book about soda

soda graph

Job Hunt

Lately I've been applying to jobs as a copywriter/proofreader/asst. editor.

Frankly, I'm sick of not having money and adjunct work is unstable.

But mainly, I want something to do instead of performing in front of a group.

Friday, August 14

No one visited this blog yesterday (Aug. 14) probably because my last post sucked.

I'm glad that no one saw that lame last post.

I'll leave it around so you can come around and really get a good laugh and gander at my proposed method for dealing with telemarketers.

I will not endorse this as a working method for dealing with telemarketers.

telemarketer kryptonite

Caller: (nods into phone) Hello, may I please speak with Ryan Daley?

Ryan Daley: He’s not here right now, may I take a message?

Caller: I have this as his primary cell phone number.

RD: Actually, his primary cell phone is downstairs, underwater.

Caller: Excuse me?

RD: The long path of vengeance has be severed, like a fiber optic.

Caller: Will you please tell him that Student Consolidation Services called?

RD: Bonus question: In an airless room, would a crouton matter?

Caller: Sir, Mr. Ryan, this is a serious matter.

RD: People have died while we’ve been talking.

Caller: Please, if you are not Ryan Daley, nod. This message isn't for you.

RD: Like, exploded over a river and their body parts strewn. Can you imagine being strewn?

MFA Search

Actually, I’m so glad I’ve decided to apply my concepts to create a space prizing reconnaissance in case during the most frenzied application process imaginable you find the voice of reason almost compels you to follow your soul guide, and follow him her or it – if it has emotions and can be considered “life experience,” IMHO – to the ends of the application process. Until the rough stuff is behind you, I respect the committee’s decision. I’m here to help those young and industrious writers helping those young and industrious writers write like those young and industrious writers on committee seats.

I’m thankful that my application process has ended. I have tried enough! Whew. Knowing that my investment of $1700 for applications fees will ensure that I’m accepted. My chances have increased with modesty. Thanks to all the friendly and helpful hands. I want to thank you with thorough vigor that the applicants will be accepted by consultants, I think they’re just great and their job is necessary, esp. for those young and industrious writers helping those young and industrious writers write like those young and industrious writers on consulting seats.

What I’m hearing now is that Iowa is best and that everyone has orgies at other programs. Other programs must seem “out there” to you. I’m hearing about an FSU program that competes with older programs. I didn’t apply here because I hate Philly. I hate what that trolling metastasizes. I fear it’s MFA “Surekill Exprsswy” I reluctantly often drag its Independence and uptalk my safe school: the Latrobe program. I want Latrobe in my blood so bad I fear Philly but Latrobe is where I want to write and be happy.

Wheelhouse

The New Wheelhouse Magazine is out!

New Work...

Please check out Alan Collier's Various Deaths. He tolerated my numerous nagging formatting quips and still published my piece "Translator of Kill." Thanks Alan!

I want a facial piercing preferably the size of a perception

The face you need is the face you project
Even if your nose is big or your eyebrows
Aren’t very pleasing to you
On a hundred foot billboard Visa application

Job silent, job special, job immediately
Hunting creeps on two toes
Even if those two toes are ingrown
And you had standby surgery with an intern

I perceive the face you pick
In a quiet whisper
Floating to me through your checklist
You want raisin eyes
And almond pupils
And big dimples you’ve always been missing
But these days August is in your eyes
They are the eyes you most definitely want

What’s not the exact face you requested
But the face you need to put on at job interviews
If you’re going to invest in another country
Hiring freezing many options for reconstruction.

great map with details added from untrustworthy people unknown to me

Loose in quilting last time

Into the factory wrinkle

Performance industry suit

While the turntable pancake

Nipple appledectomies.

Glean this snip

These henceforth rooster playmates

Aren’t designing my ladies’

Great map nonsense

Pretending to thoroughly undress enjoying

To be born again into backpain

Each puts a pin in a place with a fact

Then resents how your father acts

When he attempts “kiss the world clean”

I told him heavy duty reenactments

The nut doesn’t grow lump from the tree enough

Solvents are needed for that sick of a job

Don’t give up relentlessly

Give me rudeness unleashed

That cleaning won’t save you,

Not unless you’re equally committed to heavy duty.

And undercurrent of dark humor flows through and keeps refreshing

The turtle soup location is rinsed and evacuated

The big looming sharks swig cherry coke