Padre Minor Calvo...

was a radio personality, religious leader (Catholic priest), and seemingly disarming man very much unlike Gandhi, who was badass and knew how to grab the British by the balls when it mattered. In 2005, Padre Minor was put on trial for being one of the "intellectual authors" of the murder of Colombian Journalist, Parmenio Medina...ah hell, you read it.


I mention this because this excellent video has been made, punning of "sonuvabitch," to create the cult of the "Son of Padre Minor." Veja!

You must have GREAT eyesight if you can see it from your house...

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Possession by Took

While you’re not looking I’m just going to take your unique
You won’t need a unique so I’m going to take it
I’ll let you see what I take as long as you let it be taken
I learn by taking
You learn by taken advantages
I am you thought you had once seamonsters came
I am the seasmonster’s stepsitter
Allowing 5 hours of daily television
Blame, you are the seamonster.
Without culture the inner life withers and fruits rot
And the seamonster gave you the recipe for ice
Then you died. Buried as a seamonster
We accorded ritual to your celebration
Since history people quietly celebrate the death of a monster.

86 year-old Buddhist nun has texted Predator (from Japan!)

Engine


Result:

hI Prdter, u there?
Yes. Home coking. Lentils
no keeping food dwn.
2 vomit stomch
pain! Srry Prdter
I c u on da flpsyde.
wrting story o luv.
cannot about xplain very asian.

Predator in Shameless Photo-Op in Theory

In the middle of placing stones on the beach
A place for kneeling, not leg warmers

Not getting an operation the Predator receives fame
The Predator is seen following the photographers

Not the other way around
The Predator is pondering the usage of certain signifiers

To advocate a lost world where all people can eat at the same table
Being food for other Predators

And those Predators can commune in nature
To excuse transgressions made by ALIEN

Who might not know better because of sub par schooling
Right now Predators chain ALIEN and reduce her chances of survival

While other Predators object to the use of non-gender neutral pronouns for enemies
Mother Earth, My car She Drives well are terms we eliminate

They take us farther from experience and into the mind of Predator
A region where dwell dark desires in the form of secret areas with chains.

Nice French Manicure Predator

To be young and in love
Strewn like potato chips on the spine of our horizontal mambo
Can it be any other way to impregnate?
Rates increase lying on your back (to man)
Your soft tissue sample under the nail bed
Nice soft tissue silky Predator curvy

I was dismayed they picked the pretty Predator
Also pray tell why the panties
Protesting my pater guitar shrinkage
Solo dedicated to the Predator mother of my alien children
So intelligent but so needy
Human-blood-type-needy

As entertaining as I peak with custard pie on my face
My petite Predators are suckling and pay no mind
The suckling figs pay no mind to the jackal
He is asking for ransom and has underestimate the Predator
Nice Fresh Manicure Predator

i'm about to marry the Predator (not really)

I’m about to marry The Predator
Dying being hit by a car blows
But marrying the predator
And being consumed is worse

There are no hairdryers on the Predator’s planet
And none in his bedroom
Because he can’t see you
And you can’t get loving
If you’re not seen

My excuses are lame but I’m marrying the Predator
Because I don’t really need his marriage
As an agreement about what modern eligibility is

I’m going to rub you down with mud Arnold so the Predator can’t love
I’m going to put you in marriage Arnold so the Predator can only love
To fight with you is a strenuous challenge as you find your jungle beat

Essay

Some beliefs can be defined
As future-unfriendly policy.

When I remake a moral judgment
Into a fit of beef

Like a phoenix ensconced in jacket
Because my beliefs are tendonitis and docile

Like kittens on command can claw your face by the millions
Into a pool of mellow thrushes

Who sing until the day you return from hunting
With your boots as a man who followed you

Canceling the show was a task from god
Those who know drugs fearfully to turn into hope

Followed emission of a concept tweet
World judgment lags behind my desire to shine

As the best instrument most vocal defender
Itemization of plush realities and furry states

My moral code is a gift vase you cannot return
but that now you must obey

But you wouldn’t find flowers there
Because ultimately flowers are non-conformists.

Shortest Story and Flashiest Fiction

"Seeking.

"Sought.

"Shit."

My Thoughts are a Value

Sir Isaac Newton statue genuflecting on yo ass

Celica into the Wee Hours of the Night

You can be persuaded to swim if the water isn’t cool
It demands a kind word and the right hurtful stare at bathing wear
The radio battle in your car about placement
Of shiny antlers seeking reception on your hood
You are el vaquero underwear, if your car is traveling downstairs
Because Dude, you were financially irresponsive
You’re going to be persuasively configurative
And adjusted to basic insurance
Redolent twine, little green lizard “what insurance dudemanbro?”
And why can I never find a close spot this Dude obscures?
This is what is basically asked, Dude
Like here’s my number and toxin
Stains like on Dude’s shorts are foes of clean!
And we cannot have foe-ish info in parking lots bro
Can something like a shower undo?
How about a shower with rockets?
Can I bring my entire car into the shower of love?

God created chewing gum under the stars

God created chewing gum’s answer to holy war
If you keep a busy mouth, you are loving
Of all the lip smacking tenderness
Of the softest capability yours
Holy war is not prude
Holy war can make even the strongest heart lumpy
And giving good readings impossible

Holy war nude
And drunk on a train and liable to produce
Children who also will vote independent
Edits to the birth of the magisterial
Not approved by the Estate of Dead Author 1

Holy war sometimes drinks too much
Running naked through the town
And then when we ask where’s it going
The excuse is urgent renewal
A way graceful squirting gum captures our hearts
Depleting my ability keep food down
I guess the town needed it more

You Ninjas Are a Dirtier Special Edition

New and improved director’s cut
the view from above then

turns member throbbing you. With ritzy
banker Candy Dewworth

(Eric Roberts) allegedly appears
in a B-rated three piece, graphic content/spoilers.

Get a dong central. His life sentence by Inuit Morgan Freeman, prepped for Buddhism Body by Jake by shaving.

Candy befriends an older Billy Joel
now clean and rehab’d Morgan Freeman cameos.

The suspicion you have first

In monkey’s brain, monkey voices
Understanding grilling techniques
After first monkey’s first day out

Numerous signs monkeys can be free
But are sick of trying
Be a real man’s monkey: try to be free

You can get sick outdoors or you
Can spy on monkeys
Little monkey hands negotiate difficult-to-bargain crevices
The test of true blue monkey desire
Is experimenting with different fits
Until one (a monkey) breaks off you know

In an example of defective reasoning
To combat monkey reasoning to inner monkey voices
Describe a voice you would like
Change the subject. Focus not
On what your monkey can do for photography
But on what your monkey is totally capable of

Alex Sears

Aside from being my partner-in-crime to be, Alex Sears is also an "emerging" (does anyone actually know what this tag means?) fiction writer with a love for Chaucer, Historical Figures, Rogues Gallery,Whitney Houston, beards and much more. I'm sure you'll read more of her work in the future, but you can get amazing samples not unlike Whole Foods on a Sunday if you head over to REASONS NOT TO KILL YOURSELF; her latest entry telling of the grueling Columbia MFA program and Anita Baker, of course.

Your Planet Can Be Ours Too

Preface:

I wanted to explore planetary naming as a type of colonialism related to the "uncolonizable" realm of the universe. The idea of owning through naming isn't new, of course. But what gave me the idea to write poetry about this were various TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language) classroom study review exercises. This idea of teaching naming and ownership to new students of English (some of whom might have gained mastery in their own country first) is accomplished through a structure of brainwashing, of controlling what and which type of English the student learns to heed, which to ignore, and which is of primary importance. Poetic language falls near the bottom, even after slang.

Mistake in the Grass

Oh almighty cons, you are mellow weavers
Constructing something bigger than my thinking
Your hand grip is melting snow, revealing
Leopards. They are there- whispering in the grass
Another of Sting’s almighty caliber songs
I made a mistake in the grass
But the grass kept smiling, caustically
We were asking to be poisoned

Shoving opinions down my throat
It’s inhuman not to sing along
To sounds our fingers make while whistling
The grass is vulnerable, and cannot hide
In a tune most leopards say they can understand
Hamming it up with The Man

I recently saw you mercilessly attacked on DailyKos
But your penis enlargement is unnecessary
In the grass I resort to my description as “Mighty”
I’m wondering if leopards are aware that I’m chasing them
Do they feel impressed or flattered
When I eventually tell others about your speaking style
Like how you include important details that other singers miss
To other leopards – not related— when they choose to listen

“Too many mistakes, you leopards,”
It’s okay they can’t hear me
Leopards no speakie English
But you’re getting their vote: absentee!
Videoconferencing leopards travel you see
Leopards leopards sitting in the tree, K I s s I n g

Muñeca desastre

el tipo sociable pudriéndose
existe un pretérite del tubo
Que ya no se usa traje entero
para taparte el vocal

baile el triste de reggaetón, millones
de bebes en la yema
el ven acá bucal, los huevos
quitan el auge, la gravedad corbata

se venden globos, artículos
sin hombro de ciudades, guarantizamos
que sabes donde apostar tus niños
quedate con los bienes raíces

Work at Sawbuck Poetry

Here


My inner ad-subvertiness interest is piqued by this idea of having poetic "leads" that give you a glimpse, a by-line to click on to get to the full text.